Should I date a nonbeliever?

I thought about trying to come up with a catchy name for this article but I didn’t want to take away from the essence of what I am saying! I am about to try and address the age old problem of having a boyfriend who is not a christian. Is dating a non-believer an option? There is of course nothing inherently wrong with dating a non-christian. There are many stories of christians going out with non-christians who subsequently give their life to God and the two go on to get married. But there are also stories to the contrary of great heartache and eventual splitting of partners either before or after marriage. With the added pressure of other people drifting in and out of casual relationships, everyone else is having all the fun and you end up wondering why yo don’t try it yourself! To make things trickier still, some non-christians have higher morals and are more faithful and understanding than their christian counterparts.

A REAL DILEMMA!

It’s a dilemma, – and it does seem unfair of God to restrict us to the few that are CHristian in the real sense. Trying to find someone with whom you click, who you find attractive and who you know LOVES THE LORD -can be so difficult that staying Gods side of the fence can seem like too much to ask! – Should I ask that non-christian guy out at work? Should I be less fussy? Should I go church hopping in such of mr right? Should I join a dating agency? In the end all of this can distract from christian life!

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

The Bible says ‘guard your heart above all!’
We can see with Jesus as our model that as a Christian we ARE limited in the things we can do. We have to sacrifice many things that the rest of the world does not, and one of those things is the vast choice of people with whom we can have a relationship with.
The bible clearly states that marrying a non-believer is to be avoided – ‘Do not be yoked with unbelievers’ – However if you find this dogmatic consider the sensitive way it addresses people who are already in a relationship with non-believers, rather than condemning them it offers contructive advice on how a christians’ faith can sanctify the non-believer in the relationship (not to be taken to mean that dating a non-christian is a good idea)
Be careful who you get together with as bad company corrupts good character. – it is far easier for a non-christian to pull you down than to pull them up!
The Bible tells us that few will enter the kingdom of heaven which is important because it follows that the number of potential partners available to us will be equally few..

OTHER THINGS TO CONSIDER

Whether you like it or not the bible says that a man is the spiritual leader of a relationship. However if you are dating a non-christian you are likely to always be more spiritually mature than they are.

When you go out with a non-christian you may find you have opposite views on certain issues that your partner may not consider issues at all! For example I had a friend who dated a non-christian, she explained to him that she would not be having sex until she had got married whereas he felt he could not marry someone if he had not first had sex with them – you can see how this was a problem in their relationship!

Is this person, the non-christian, really someone you think you can share all your deepest emotional and spiritual concerns with, even the most sympathetic nonbeliever would struggle to fully understand some of your motives and emotions. Most christians agree that in the end this lack of understanding feels like something is missing, like the person isn’t fully paying attention or doesn’t fully care.

Knock knock, anybody there?

Moving to a valleys community from my life in Cardiff has been a very interesting experience with a few things I have had to get used to. One of these is that people in the valleys walk into each others houses without knocking, this happened one time when I was still lounging around in my pjs, needless to say me and the person who had wandered in were a little embarrassed. So following this incident I said that perhaps this person could knock in the future. A few weeks later the same thing happened with the same person, only this time I was upstairs in the shower. When I asked the person why they had just come into my house again their response was that they had knocked but I didn’t come to the door so they just came in.

Thinking back on this incident with my very keen friend reminds me of how some people approach prayer. They knock. It seems we don’t have a problem with that part. It is what comes after the knock that trips us up.

God tells us to pray. He tells us to knock. ^“Ask, and it will be given to you;” Jesus said. “Seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened,” (Matthew 7:7-8 NASB). But what comes after the knock?

God also tells us to wait for Him to answer the door…to answer the prayer… before moving forward. Unfortunately, many don’t want to wait. If God doesn’t answer right way, many take His silence as a “yes,” and plow right on ahead.

“Lord, should I date this man?” “Lord, should I marry this man?” “Lord, should I buy this house?” “Lord, should I look for another job?” Knock. Knock.

If God doesn’t answer the door right away, is that license to open the door, walk right through it and do what we want? Absolutely not.

David wrote: “Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed,” (Psalm 25:3). Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, For I wait for You,” (Psalm 25:21 NASB). Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD,” (Psalm 27:14 NIV).

Many problems and messes in our lives come from not waiting on God’s answer before we move forward and forge ahead with our own desires without hearing clear direction from God.

Silence from God does not mean “go ahead, do what you want to do.” God not saying “no” cannot be interpreted as God saying “yes.” I’m not sure if that sentence is even grammatically correct, but it is scripturally accurate.

“God didn’t stop me from buying that house, so I did it.” “God didn’t stop me from marrying that man, so I did it.” “God didn’t stop me from sleeping with that boy, so I did it.” Oh my. “I knocked and you didn’t answer, so I came on in.”

If you aren’t hearing from God in a particular area of your life, here are a few questions to consider.

1.    Are you obeying what He already has told you to do?
2.    Are you living your life according to the principles He already hasmapped out for you?
3.    Are you asking for direction in one area of your life, and yet knowingly disobeying Him in another?

Perhaps God is waiting for you to do something He already has told you to do, before He tells you the next thing or gives you further direction.

Now let’s go back to my friend. He knocked and I didn’t come to the door. So what should he have done? Knock again? Sat by the door and waited for me to come? Come back another day? Ring the doorbell a hundred times until I got tired of hearing it and opened the door? There are many other options, but walking through the door was not one of them. Are you following me here?

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